I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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