puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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