Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
