what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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