trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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