dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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