I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
