You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
