I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
