oh god the rape fog is back!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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