Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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