He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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