I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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