**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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