She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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