so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
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Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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