the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize