eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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