the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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