Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
