Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
