The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
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Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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