Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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