I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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