we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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