Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
