I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
