I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
