i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
