two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
