So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
