Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
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Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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