So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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