My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
