I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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