i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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