Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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