so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
