So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
