mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If I die, sorry about rent.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
