You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would ride that face into the sunset
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
