i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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