I think my vagina is haunted
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
