mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
