I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
