he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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