I'm lost and stupid without you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
