bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
