This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
