Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
