The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
