there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
