that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
