I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
