I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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