I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
