I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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