Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
