Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
