i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
