Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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