Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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