I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
