you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
