Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
