Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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