well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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