It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
